Thursday, 1 December 2011

Yo ma bro! It’s no mo! mo fo!

These buggers are out again.

You may not understand the above sentence, I certainly don’t, however it has something to do with supposed altruism.

Charity muggers were never my favouritist of peoples (even the one that sang the Thundercats theme to me) but over the years I have become aware of worse.

I’ve heard of compassion fatigue. I don’t have compassion fatigue. I still have the same compassion for others that I have always had (don’t be funny). What I don’t have is an interest in a middle aged woman waddling half a mile around a park, or someone wearing a pair of jeans. I’m sure that there are further depths to plummet (I have faith in the human race) but over the last month I think I have witnessed the nadir of pointless things to sponsor.

Countless men (I’m sure someone somewhere has counted the number of participants, in fact they probably got sponsored to do it but I don’t care enough to do the research) across the country have been growing their facial hair. As in they have actively been growing their facial hair. As in they have not shaved. They have stopped completing their daily grooming regime in order to sprout facial fungus and waft it in my direction. 

Well pat yourselves on the back lads, you didn’t shave properly for a month, here’s a fiver.

How much will I get if I refuse to shave my legs? It’s getting cold I could do with an extra layer. I promise that if you give me a wad of cash I’ll donate it somewhere. In fact I should probably do in the middle of summer; I shall walk down a crowded beach in a bikini and all my unshaven glory, I shall do it to raise awareness of Skin Cancer wouldn’t that be lovely? Wouldn’t that make us all think about Cancer? And the effect of Cancer? And the money needed to support research into Cancer? Or would it just make everyone a bit sick?

Or maybe I won’t wash for a month to improve awareness of lyme disease? Or even better I’ll just lay in bed and do nothing to raise awareness of ‘locked in syndrome’?

How many people have decided to do something banal or even fulfil a personal ambition or something that they were going to do anyway and have then gone out to look for a worthy cause to give them an excuse? Such selfless people.

Worthy Cause! Worthy Cause! Worthy Cause! Worthy Cause! Worthy Cause!

We have all been reduced to judging a worthy cause by whoever has the loudest voice or the stupidest idea. If I’m gonna give away my money I’m gonna do it for a reason. I’m going to give money to help fund research into prevention and cures for Cancer. Not cos some bloke couldn’t be arsed to shave.


  1. I never shave

    except when society forces me to, by not putting sleeves on a shirt
    but i try to wear sleeves as much as possible

    i hate stubble

  2. Then you should get some sort of sponsorship, clearly.