Friday, 27 January 2012

This is a small example of a recent conversation I may or may not have had

“Have you ever noticed how only fat people are on diets?”

Now there are not a lot of options open to me at this point. I can’t walk away from a question as easily as I can with a statement so I am forced, like a hamster into a blender, to provide some sort of reply.

I am aware of a link between those who are over weight and those who wish to lose weight. They tend to be in the same group but with clear and notable exceptions.

Detox diets, body builder’s on diets and then those poor unfortunate souls who are on a ‘special’ diet for ‘special’ people; they are the ones wandering around the supermarket checking every single individual friggen tin of friggen soup for allergy advice and ending up with a basket containing an apple, an alpro ‘yogurt’ and their one hundred and fortieth packet of ‘Mrs Crimble’s Large Coconut Macaroons’ that they can haul back to their desk and gnaw on in misery while simmering hatred permeates their continuously starving and unsatisfied semi living corpse.

So after considerable consideration I have to confess that I do not concur with the claim that ‘only fat people’ are on diets.

them darn diets
I decide to provide my default reply, not wishing to enrage the stupid.

‘Ok…’ I say, with a slight upwards tilt indicating that I may be interested in what they are about to say. I realise quickly that this is a mistake.

“Well I think it is the diets that make them fat.”

Right. Wonderful. This is the little nugget of insight you wanted to share with me is it? This is what your little flaccid brain has been pondering over for the last year and a half is it? This little fallacy soaked ‘fact’.

God (and by God I mean shorthand for evolution + time x chance) has given you a brain and this, this! Is how you have decided to make use of it.

To ponder over random and trivial incidents and notions and then squish this poorly interpreted misinformation through your little ‘logic’ processors until you have tied all the scraps of drivel together into your own little fantastical delusion of truth.

Well let’s cancel all scientific research shall we?

Cos now we have you to think about things for us. We can all just sit back and eat cream puffs, mocking those crazy fools eating ‘healthy food’!

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