Wednesday, 14 March 2012

I have a purpose

I knew that I had a purpose!

I knew that my calling would be made and I would simply have to lie in wait for it.

Well it is has come!  My calling that is.

Last night I was connected telepathically through the power of non-waking thought, I entered an altered sphere of existence in which lucidity transcended the paralysis of everyday existence and I was able to communicate, without the clumsy barrier of language, with a man whose preoccupation with the tangibility and taste of colour is vastly superior to my own.

what the frick is this?
In other words: I was visited in my dream by Dr Oetker.

He was as I had imagined him; floating on a puff pastry cloud surrounded by sugared butterflies and almond pigeons.

He said to me, he said “oi wot is u at ma bitch?”

So I was all like: “I’m terribly sorry but I think you must have mistaken me for someone else, possibly the owner of a van of some kind..?”

And then he was all like: “Oh it’s you, I fawt you wos Uncle Bulgaria, he ain’t been up here for looooong.....”

We stood there awkwardly for quite some time, him gazing at a marzipan aquarium while I tried to sidle out a door.

Bit difficult without a door.

“AH YES!” He exclaimed suddenly.

The sudden exclamation startled me, it also startled a buttercream pony, which promptly fell of its perch in to the raspberry sauce sea.

“I brought you here for a reason Marmaduke.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I wasn’t Marmaduke.

“I brought you here for a reason Marmaduke” He repeated with slightly less intensity.
He then revealed a cake, the cake was lovely and round, it was a fat cake with cream oozing from it, it also had a lovely decoration; it was a green and yellow map of the world.

“This” said Dr Oetker, with some authority “is being handed to you on a plate.”

Then I woke up in a basement with some funny tasting water.

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