Tuesday, 1 May 2012

How To: Not Give a Crap


As the faithful amongst you know, I have been planning to do this whole ‘how to’ thing since at least the middle of last week and at last your patience has been rewarded.

I’ve had a quick butcher’s at some of the other ‘How To’s out there so I’ve got a good idea about how much better I am compared to them.

So first of all I start by telling you how much you want to know this thing which you have come here to find out. So why do you want to know ‘how to not give a crap’?

Well it’s simple:

In the world of over stressed work and social environments there are constant demands on your time and energy. You have to be there for your friends, your family, your spouse, your boss, your colleagues and those annoying little sprog like things some of you may or may not produce. This constant clawing at our resources wears down our compassion, we respond to the immediate request without the luxury to prioritise, because all cries for help ‘must be heeded’. But in trying to give to everyone we often have nothing left for ourselves or those closest to us.

(I didn’t cut or paste that paragraph or nuffin! Sounds well good dunnit?!)

In this ‘how to not give a crap’ guide I shall help you to loosen those ties of obligation we naturally feel when we are asked for support, or notice someone in need of help. This will then aid you in those situations when you know you don’t have either the time or the energy to support but still feel that tug of duty, that natural human compulsion to lend a hand and that dreadful guilt if you do not.

(So by now I should have convinced you that you do want to know what you came here to learn after all. I’m supposed drag this out a bit more but to be honest I’m boring meself.)

Guilt is based on our desire to adhere to the social norms and values we are surrounded by in our culture. There are certain expectations placed on us as individuals and in order to be accepted we must conform to these expectations. Part of these expectations include being: a good mate, being kind, being generous, not wearing that hat etc etc etc waffle waffle word count word count

So once you realise this then you can begin to manipulate your own psyche (Orwell referred to it as doublethink) it really is very easy.

(This is the main bit now, you could have skipped forward to this part, if only you had known…)
this is mine

You simply create your very own values (you can write them down if you’re weird) outlining what or who you do give a crap about, and then you use this to reduce your ‘compassion circle’.

At the moment there will be things that your ‘compassion circle’ won’t include such as the plight of football teams being relegated, or the shouty lady in the post office that can’t get her own way, all you have to do is reduce it further and then you can ignore anything outside the ‘compassion circle’. Some people can eliminate the compassion circle altogether (I could say ‘like the Pope’ at this point, but I’m sure I would be wrong, I’m sure those dark Emperor Palpatine eyes are brimming with compassion.) however I wouldn’t recommend this.

It will be difficult at first, those norms and values have been pushed into your skull for a long time, but as you start to see the benefits of having more time and energy to do the things you want, you will find it easier to just ignore people you don’t like, wear the stuff you want and play your music at ‘non cowardly’ volume on a Sunday afternoon.

Disclaimer: I take no responsibility for any actions you take as a result of learning ‘how to not give a crap’. I also feel compelled to remind you that some actions will still have consequences, which can include prison or ‘blanking’. But at least you won’t give a crap.

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