Monday, 3 December 2012

How To: Deal with Secret Santa

Opt out of it. Don’t put your name in the basket or the box or whatever…

Just don’t.

But then there are some times when people put your name in for you, when I say ‘people’ we all know which ‘arse’ we are referring to. The self obsessed shit, who has nothing better to be doing with their time than making a Santa hat from paper and glue, then writing everyone’s name on a scrap of paper and going around making everyone pick someone from it so that they can buy a little gift at the ‘limit of £5’ which means ‘you have to spend £5’.

SO: you can always just buy something, buy some piece of crap that has been reduced and was originally a fiver and just don’t care or give a crap and keep repeating the same sad thing every year for the rest of forever.


Just get a tag. Just make one out of some old crap on your desk and throw it into the pile of presents. Someone else will get the blame for the missing gift, and some new procedure will be put in place that will be forgotten about by next year. Brilliant, no money spent.

However, my best advice is this:

[Please remember that most people change their jobs every year if not every other year, so don’t over think this, just do it, enjoy it and walk away.]

The best way to do Secret Santa:

1) Take over – make sure you get there first, before the git, the arse, the little shit who normally does it has even had a chance to think about it. Now would be good.

2) Ensure that you make certain everyone knows the absolute utter importance of the ‘SECRET’ part of Secret Santa.

3) Double check the amount of people in your office, you must get this bit right.

4) Write your own name on pieces of paper, there must be one piece of paper per colleague. Hold Your Nerve!

5) Run secret Santa as usual.

6) Merry Frikken Christmas Arsholes!

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